How to give bad news

 
We have all been there. Whether as a manager working with a team member, as someone dealing with a customer, as a family member needing to raise something with a loved one or maybe just as a friend. The context doesn’t matter, but how we deliver bad news really does. This blog article provides a very useful tip on how to give someone some bad news.
 

The issue 

In today’s fast moving and complex world with so many co-dependencies, it’s impossible to make everyone happy all of the time. Supply-chain issues crop up, competing priorities arise and time is precious. Sometimes we just have to say ‘No’.
 
But how we say ‘No’ is vitally important. And it’s not just the words either. It’s our tone of voice and our body language too. How we say things is just as important as what we say. Our words, tonality and body language need to be in sync i.e. congruent with each other.
 
Let’s imagine that you are working with a colleague who has requested a holiday at a particularly busy time. Granting the holiday request will put others under severe pressure. Therefore, you need to decline the holiday request. You know that this decision will be unpopular. 
 
Or maybe you need to let a customer know that their order has been delayed. You have explored all of the options to satisfy the delivery but, due to circumstances beyond your control, the order will not be fulfilled on time. You know that the customer will be disappointed.  
 
Perhaps something untoward has happened on the domestic front. Whatever the issue, there has been an expectation deficit.

The solution  

Whatever the context, here’s my top tip on how to deliver bad news:
 
Say what the bad news is. Of course, this needs to be done in an emotionally intelligent way but do not 'um and argh' – come straight to the point. You may want to mentally rehearse what you are going to say or even run an internal video in your head as to how you are going to deliver the message in a meaningful way.
 
However, do not end your message there. Instead add ‘however….’ and then some good news to let the other person know that you are on their side. This second step is important to do from a psychological point of view, giving the other person a clear message that they are not alone and you are there to help them through whatever the bad news means to them. And of course, showing empathy so that you can begin to understand the situation from their point of view is important too. 
 
Here’s an example of how to deliver bad news to a customer:
 
‘Due to circumstances beyond our control your order has been delayed, however I have made arrangements to have it express couriered to you so you will get it the day after tomorrow.’  
 
The impact of being upfront yet providing a ready-made solution may not dampen disappointment but it will let the customer know that a solution has been found.
 
Here’s another example, focusing on that holiday request mentioned above:
 
‘Because of staffing levels being low at our busiest time, I cannot authorise your holiday request. However, I will make sure that your next holiday request is prioritised so you get your time off when you next need it’.

This next example focuses on change management:

'We need to make this change to safeguard our future. However, I will make sure that I will work with you to consider all the available options so that your views and needs are taken into account going forward.'
 
In each of these examples, the other person is clear about the bad news but you are also providing a solution to help the news be swallowed. By doing this you are being honest yet leaving the other person in a better place and giving the opportunity to move on. Of course, it goes without saying that in each of the examples the promises made have to be followed through. To fail to do so with be like committing trust-suicide.

Be prepared to give people time to work through the bad news. Depending on their personality and personal circumstances, they may well react differently to what you may expect. Whatever the reaction, be prepared to offer your support. 

Summary

Delivering bad news is part and parcel of life. Avoiding delivering bad news lets things fester. Being able to deliver bad news in a confident and competent way is a skill worth acquiring to build and sustain any relationship. After all, the health of a relationship can be measured by the length of time between when we experience an issue and when we talk about it.

Other useful blog articles in and around this important topic:
 
Top tips for difficult conversations
Empathy not tea and sympathy
How to deliver a feedback sandwich with no bread
 
Paul Beesley
Director & senior consultant, Beyond Theory